RecCenter.com

I realized something today.

I used to write in a diary like EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME. 6th grade-11th grade nonstop. Then i gradually stopped. I wrote for a bit this year then stopped in february.

I tried writing in it today, about thought i was feeling about lots of things...the future, the present, the past, the two sides of myself, others, my wannabe career, the world, traveling, my magick, boys, friends, etc. I got about two pages in, then stopped.

I'm afraid of my thoughts.

It's not that I'm afraid of talking to anyone in terms of content. There's really nothing shameful or bad or horrible or anything negative. It's all quite neutral subject matter really. It's just that all my thoughts are questions or confusion related and thinking/writing/talking about them just gets me so muddled and i dont kno what to do with myself and it does more harm than good. I live in the present. I tend not to think about the future cuz it wont do too much good it'll only make me anxious. But damnit, if im alone with nothing to do for an extended amount of time I start to think WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much. It's actually mentally painful.

distractions are very good.....