RecCenter.com

So here we were, planning some sexy times. We rented a room at a local (thank goodness) hotel using the "friends and family" rate (oops), got all dolled up, and were gazing subtle expressions of flirtiness into each others' eyes. So the stage was basically set. All that was left was spreading some rose petals, lighting some scented candles, setting up some other technical equipment that we won't get into just yet, and we were good to go. Well maybe some adjusting of the lights as a prequel to set the final mood. So I got this most brilliant idea of covering the shades with pillowcases to dim the tone ever so slightly. How romantic am I? As I was putting the second cloth over the bedside lamp, with my partner directing (so to speak), I suddenly looked over at the first lamp. "Holy f**k!" escaped my of-late clean mouth as I watched in horror the 3 or 4-foot flames coming from the pillow case that had caught on my candle. In my frantic state after hearing "do something" all I could think of was trying to smother the growing fury of fire with a pillow, but then flashes of the pillow sparking and the bed going up in those same flames changed my mind. At this point, I really couldn't help but start laughing as I watched my better half grab the bright, burning cloth off the lampshade, open the patio door and throw it to the deck with his bare hands. As I moved to get some water (yes, it was still on fire), rather than grab a garbage can, I presumed it would be easier to empty the cottonball and those things people use to clean their ears out with after having a shower holder and fill that with some H2O. I thew it on the deck and all that was left was blackened charred crap. Very crispy looking. At this point my better half is not feeling so sexy and I'm still laughing hysterically with that loud guffaw that is part of my nature, and my belly is getting sore from said laughter... So we've extinguished the fire and have started to sigh and maybe even relax a bit when the fracking smoke detector decides it's time to start a noise party in our room in that high pitched whine that seems to grow louder with every passing second. Ah, I think, finally a chance to use that pillow. I frantically start waving it at the smoke detector. But, my bad. In a rare blonde moment, determine that I'm actually waving at the in-room sprinkler. So once again my better half rescues me by holding the pillow over top of the real smoke detector with his hands that likely have third degree burns on them at this point. I hear him say, "Oh my word, someone is gonna be at the door any minute now." Then he repeats his sentence. Then "There's someone here now." But, no, false alarm; it's our guilt thinking we hear someone at the door. We did manage to turn on the fan and finally we settled down to laugh some more. As we looked around the room, here is what we saw: 1 lampshade-burned to a crisp and not recognizable as a lighting instrument 1 wall-charred to black 1 bedspread-looking like a super-sized cigar lay on it while some old drunk fat fella slept as it smoldered holes throughout. Fortunately we were able to turn this over and hide the damage. Doh! 1 drape-yes, not good 1 more drape-yep, worse 1 patio-it used to be that smooth grey look but now was black and pretty much ruined. Our friends and family rate suddenly seemed like it was going to be very, very expensive! One would think that would have dampened our spirits but frankly the show must go on. There was naught to do now but start the gaga gazing into each others eyes again, pretend the whole hotel room fire disaster never happened. At this point we also felt quite safe smoking on our non-smoking patio as this smell might actually be better than the ashy soot arorma that filled the air. So we smoked. And we giggled. And we thought sexy thoughts again. And suddenly our night was back on again. Woot Woot! Okay, for those feint of heart, you may not wish to read further. Me and Sean are, of course, newly in love, best friends, and intensely intimate. "Oh Splitty" as his friends would say. Where else could this evening possibly go? Well I'll make it quick and dirty. Absolutely no pun intended. But the antics aren't quite over yet and I never was one to tell half a story. So anyways, sexy time starts (yay), and goes smashingly well. But when we hit playback, it would appear that our "director" didn't quite have the angles right. Not that it mattered because the memory card was somehow unexplicably full. Fortunately, our resort was only 2 minutes from the condo though, so we took a quick trip home to download and clear some space on the card. For the first time in the history of Apple computers though, something went wrong and the .avi stubbornly refused to download on the Apple. So my sweet, gorgeous, blue-eyed man's man said not to worry, we could grab his backup. So ensued another 3 minute drive to the house to grab the trusty Sony. What could possibly go wrong with a Sony? Hmmm. Yeah. So back at the resort for Round Two when, you guessed it (or maybe you didn't) but the fracking Duracell went Duradead. Maybe this romantic night just wasn't meant to be. As if! Challenge on. And me and he being as we are decided we would not be deterred. So we left the burned and charred resort room again and tripped the coupla minutes back into civilization winding up at Destination Shoppers where we purchased a 20-pack of batteries. LOL. Just kidding. We only bought four. Whew. Round Three. Can I just tell you that I am the luckiest girl alive and my man knows how to show a good time. Good? No, I take that back... Fantastic! Fan-fracking-tastic! For all the mishaps, the lapses in sexy time, the overall cost [of repairs] (eek), we came away even closer than we were before, if that is possible. But truly this could only happen in the movies. And now we've got them! Even the fire... haha. As you take in this little ditty I hope you laugh and have as much fun reading it as we did on this, our second official, date. Peace out until next time. p.s. The wedding is September 5th next year. It's sure to be every bit as adventuresome as this night. Love you Splitter!