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Hmmm, blog time? I've been racking my brain to come up with a few sentences that might amuse readers. But what to talk about this time? What's new in Juice World? Well, I started seeing a new guy since my last blog, and as always, to protect the innocent or not so innocent as the case may be, there's a nickname. We're going to call him 3ST. Don't bother asking what it stands for because after a night of Vodka Seven, I really couldn't tell you. Funny thing happened - I'm lying in bed the other night and 3ST is grooming himself in the bathroom before proceeding to sexily and skilfully crawl over top of me to land on his side of the bed. Well, if truth be known, I was actually on his side of the bed but opted to make his side mine for the night. Anyways, so here's my hot little number acting all sophisticated and dreamy as he gets one leg up, half a body and then positions himself on me for the big roll over to the other side. Well something got tangled somewhere and off kilter he went. 3ST was suddenly sitting buck naked on the floor, one hand in the garbage can, after smashing his noggin on a lampshade and gashing a good chunk out of his back from some random object, with an utterly aghast expression on his face. Obviously I was blamed for pushing him, yet it was clear to me that I am now apparently dating Mr. Clumsy. His ego was slightly bruised too because I pretty much started guffawing heartily in perfect Juice form for the next half hour or so. His theory that I was strong enough to push this 6+ foot man off the bed and wound him at the same time does lend thought to maybe trying out for a new reality show about chicks who are strong enough to push big guys around and injure them at the same time. At the very least, maybe I could get a webcam going and see how many people are willing to shell out 20 bucks a month to watch me shoving guys out of bed? You know, a few years ago, I suggested to my hockey team that we start a webcam in our dressing room. Then Canlan posted a sign saying "no video surveillance equipment allowed in the room". Damn. Good money-making idea killed. Dead. I wanna go back to my new relationship for a moment. Now everyone that reads my blogs knows by now I don't have the greatest rep for my staying power. Team that up with 3ST who also has a bad track record and we'll get one of two possible results: 1. One or both of us find a Seinfeld reason to cut things short within a couple of months. 2. We actually are so much alike that we desecrate our historical shortcomings and end up with this win-win scenario and actually make it past the 2 year mark. By the by, and since I brought it up, I figure no holds barred from here on out. I'm just saying it like it is. My "friends" have already started a pool on us. March 11th is the longest we've been given. Hmph! You know I hate losing PLUS I'm really enjoying 3ST so I gotta suggest if you want in on the action, this time don't bet on the under. Take the over. He's one of those guys who likes to play all macho-like in front of the boys but is so sweet and thoughtful when we're alone that I'm literally blown away. Oh my gosh! How did this blog go in such a seriously awry tangent? I need to throw some funny ass shit in here to lighten it up. I've got a personal and very embarrassing story to tell, albeit it quite amusing. Okay, now let's set the ground rules. The thousands of people who usually read my blogs don't know me from Adam so it's okay that I tell this story, but since I've started posting my notes on Facebook, some of my friends are maybe getting to know me better than they ever wished. If that's the case, be warned, and stop reading now... Remember that time when those 3 girls had a breakaway on the empty net and couldn't score? LOL - this wasn't my story but it did happen a couple of weeks ago. How stupid do you think those girls felt? Our bench just roared. Remember that time when you grew up to bible readings EVERY single day after dinner? No? Well, I remember it well. My brother and I still cringe when we talk about it. However, overall I think it instillled some good values in us. Always be patient. Patience scores you a great dessert. Always be appreciative. I appreciate that my brother is my best friend, when he's not being a special needs remedial adolescent. Always be respectful. I respect Tom Brady for taking his team to 14 and 0. I respect Channing Tatum for making the movie Step Up that I've now seen 16 times. Always be honourable. I pledge that I will play hockey to the best of my ability everytime that I get on the ice, even when I'm hungover. Okay, let's get back to my embarrassing story because if you can't laugh at yourself, then you're destined to never make other people smile. And it's all about other people, right? Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, Juice's most embarrassing moment Ever. Have I built it up enough so that you will just say "why the heck did I read this whole bloody blog" yet? I was living in Suite 1204. This was after my brother lived with me there. Oh man, I can't recall if I told you the story about how he and I got totally smashed one night and decided he would swing me over the balcony into the neighbours? Long story, plus I think I told it before. At the end of the day, he obviously didn't drop me down 12 stories because I'm here boring you with another blog. So I'm living in the apartment and I had just broken up with this one guy, Jonathan. I had let him live with me for awhile so when I got him to leave I forgot to collect the keys. And since I'm so trusting (naive) I didn't bother changing the locks. So it's a Friday night and I haven't had "any" for a couple of weeks since I kicked out Jon and I was feeling kind of, um, horny. So, I get all naked-like on top of my bed and pull out my trusty little blue butterfly. The pleasure is building and I tune out everything else, so yeah, I didn't hear the door open or see the ex walk in on me until I was moaning "ahhhh". Holy crap. I think that was the only time in my entire life that I turned 18 discernable shades of red. And on that personal note - Juice out... Peace. Until next time.