Shh... quiet, you might piss somebody off - Like me motherfucker you've been at it fortoo long - While you feed off others' insecurities - You stand in front of me and bitethe hand that feeds - Self-r...

Lately "to Hell with you and all your friends" has been my favorite line to say. or "Bitches, they are all BITCHES!"I've been an angry person as of late. Wanting to stab people in the neck with p...

Silent words spoken with your eyesLips sown shut but always telling liesSecond party looking inDreaming of the day you'll let me inTongue to the page, tell me what you feelIf only you could hold me ne...

This is a dream that I had a few weeks back, and one that is still vivid in my mind. Usually I forget my dreams a day or so after it happened, but this one is still fresh on my mind. Maybe that's bec...

What could you see? What could you find? If we meet please avert your eyes. What I'd never show, what you'll never find is explosive so hide your eyes. What should mean nothing to you has left a poiso...

Guess what Heather wants? Heather wants a ticket to see MCR on April 28 in Williamsburg, VA @ William & Mary. They'll be there with Muse, and I wanna see that show! Now the issue will be to get the almost $40 ticket. WTH people?!?! I remember when getting a ticket to see MCR was no more than $30! And that was GA PIT!

And even though I said that I would never be front of the guard rail for MCR again, I think that if I actually scored a ticket, I would be right up there in front. Strange as it sounds, even though I bitch and complain about how much I fucking hurt the next day, I miss it on a strange level. Last MCR show I bitched afterwards about the thirteen year old fans that were idiots. The moshpit that they decided to form behind the people standing in front of the guardrail, and the fact that I HATE crowd surfers. Yes. Hate. H.A.T.E. Loath. Despise. The are not cool; never have been and never will be. They need to get a clue and STOP doing that shit. Kicking people in the back of the head is not awesome. Kthxbi!

I'd still deal with all that just to see MCR again. Yes, I'm that much of a loser.

I hate being sick, I really do. I'm cold, my chest hurts, my head hurts, my nose is driving me up the wall... BAH!!

By the way... the day that I wanna torch small, stuffed animals that are holding hearts is coming up soon. Joy. I think that I'll do the same thing that I do every year. Watch gory horror movies and laugh at the stupid people getting killed. Yep, that sounds like a plan to me. Yes, I only get this way around THAT day. I have issues, okay?

Tonight I had one of those Jiminy Cricket moments. You know... The whole wish upon a star bit? Yeah, one of those kind of moments. Beyond what people might think, women do not dream about being crazy cat ladies when they grow up. They do not set out to be them. Really. We don't! Honest to God. For some reason though, I can picture myself being one of those crazy cat ladies. Yelling at people that get to close to my house... Wow I need a social life. I told one of my bosses tonight that I don't date. It's not that I don't want to date... It's just hard to find someone, you know? When you get burned too many times, you tend to stay out of the kitchen. Shrug.

I miss my pink hair. I miss my hair in general! I know that it's only hair, but it was around ten inches that they took off. Almost a foot of hair! That's a lot of hair people! Sure... it's easier to put up, and it doesn't drive me crazy when I try to sleep at night. Okay, who am I kidding? It still drives me insane but not as much as it used to. Point is that I still miss it. Who ever says that hair grows faster when you cut it is full of shit. I'm still waiting for my hair to grow, I feel gypped! Most of all... I want purple hair now. I think that I could pull it off... Maybe. At least it would be different and interesting.

I did my nails tonight and five minutes later I messed them up. Why is it that I always seem to do that when I don't have time to fix them? Ugh! Doesn't matter, I'm going to change the color tomorrow anyway. I can't decide whether I want to match with my toes and go with white or go with hot pink.

Reminder to self:
Self,You need a new bottle of black polish. The bottle you have now sucks and is all glumpy. While you're at it, you need a new bottle of green as well.Tanks a million! <3

Eh! I better go to bed. Not that I really want to, but I kind of need to. Meeh..

Many tiny hearts with fluttering wings
The Mad Hatter

Could you please get out of my dreams, leave them and let me go back to dreaming of nothing. There are only a handful of people that I don't mind making an appearance in my dreams... and you aren't one of them. I'm perfectly content on not dreaming of anything. At least I don't wake up miserable and wishing I weren't alone. When you're alone, you don't want to dream of someone that makes you smile and feel warm inside. At least that's my thoughts on it. And to top it off, I continue to think about the dream for the rest of the day!

I should just go back to pretending you don't exist. Everything was simpler, safer that way.

think there is a point in everyone's lives where they just stop caring, stop giving a shit about anything and everything. They wake up each morning, do what they know needs to be done, they put a smile on their face because that's just what they do... and that's it. Talk to people because you can, even being nice to a few people because they are nice to you. It might not make much sense to some people; as for myself though, it makes perfect sense.

I used to care about certain things.
How I looked, what people thought of me… even going as far as to change who I was just so that they would like/love me more. I wanted to be accepted, to be loved, even if that meant not being who I was deep inside.

I used to actually worry about being alone for the rest of my life. I've slowly come to realize that I just don't give a shit any more. I don't care about being in a relationship, or trying to find someone that will accept me for who I am. Crazy and all. I'm me, and me is a hard person to accept. I'm for the most part clingy, an attention whore, demanding, yet needs my space from time to time. sharing is not something that I do well but I'm trying to work on it... I have so many damn issues (beyond what is listed) it's amazing that I'm not seeing a therapist.

The last part has actually been suggested to me by family members. I'm actually scared to go to one. I would rather not be alone, rather not be a crazy cat lady yelling at people... but how can i ask someone to accept me, and all that goes with it, when I can't even trust them? I don't trust anyone anymore. I listen to you, hear what you have to say, can feel a lie when it slips from someone's mouth.... and I let them think that I believe them. It amuses me for the most part. There are only a select few that I'm nice to and mean it. There is only one person that I'd actually give my life to, if it meant saving theirs. With all my issues, all my shit that is hard to deal with... One thing will always remain the same; I'm very loyal when it comes to one special person. Beyond all the hurt, beyond the tears, beyond everything that has ever happened... They will always have that last small piece of me that actually gives a damn. That actually makes me think of them even when I don't want to. Maybe that will change in the future, as for right now though... I don't see it changing.